::INTERVIEW WITH A CANNIBAL::

Today I interviewed a cannibal, who gave me the insight on a day in the life of a true anthropophaginian. His name is Jon Sligh. Below is a transcript of the very conversation I had with this heathen. After asking several probing questions, I was able to delve into the psyche of this nearly mystical iconoclast. I've also included a photo of this beast and his newly launched man-gum, which is supposed to help curve cravings for human flesh. Moving forward, the conversation starts out relatively hostile with a quick slight from Mr. Sligh after I simply say "hello," as if he plans an instinctual attack, but I am safe from all harm during this instant messaging session as a protective measure, so that I would outlive the interview. You may see below:

(2:38:10 PM) jsligh455: relax. sheesh, you act like you've never met a cannibal before. gosh, you're sheltered.

(2:46:17 PM) Gina: Now, Jon, please dont be offended when I ask you this question..

(2:46:42 PM) Gina: How does cannibalism start. I mean, were you raised by wolves?

(2:47:21 PM) Gina: sorry... I know it's personal.. I didnt want to go there, and you seem to make unusual noises that I've noticed, but I couldn't help but recognize certain wolf-like features... and things..

(2:47:34 PM) Gina: It's just an observation..

(2:49:04 PM) jsligh455: They were feral dogs, not wolves. They were quite civilized and they taught me many important lessons, like the vital importance of loyalty to the pack, and how to dig holes, and how to use teamwork when we hunted elk and the occasional hiker. It may not have been an "ideal" upbringing by your cookie-cutter standards, but THEY'RE MY FAMILY AND I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO SPEAK ILL OF THEM

(2:50:00 PM) Gina: So, tell me about the habits of cannibals? What do they like to do on the weekends?

(2:51:50 PM) jsligh455: Oh, a lot of things, just like anyone. House-cleaning, watching Netflix, yardwork, stalking victims, skiing, playing with my pet midget, etc.

(2:55:21 PM) Gina: How do you choose your victims?

(2:57:36 PM) jsligh455: Body Mass Index, their fitness and dietary habits, ouija boards

(2:58:52 PM) Gina: Is there any religious affiliations cannibalism is associated with?

(3:00:59 PM) jsligh455: Well yeah, but it's like vegtarianism. Some people from some religions practice it, but it's not just Jainists who practice it. Same with cannibalism.

(3:01:17 PM) jsligh455: The members of my cult practice it, of course

(3:04:45 PM) Gina: Are you Jain?

(3:09:57 PM) Gina: Nevermind that. So, when you mate with someone, who do you typically pick as a mate without wanting to eat them? Or do you eat them?

(3:23:22 PM) jsligh455: It's a complex process. There's no one-size-fits-all formula for choosing either mates or meals. When there is an overlap--the qualifications for both mate and meal, then I know she's a keeper.

(3:23:44 PM) jsligh455: Kind of a praying mantis kind of thing, though it's the female praying mantises that eat the males

(3:27:14 PM) jsligh455: But to answer your question directly, yes I pick them wanting to eat them...
(3:35:19 PM) Gina: So, when you're out places, do you have to control urges?

(3:36:47 PM) jsligh455: Don't we all?

(3:40:16 PM) Gina: So, Jon.... two part question... - do you have a special "cannibal" name that you go by? And, how many are in your tribe?

(3:41:31 PM) jsligh455: It's not a tribe. We're not related. It's more of a cult. Right now I have about 850 followers. I don't have a cannibal name. We're not savages.

(3:49:00 PM) jsligh455: We're currently promoted a new line of people-flavored TV dinners. I think it's going to be a big success

(3:49:27 PM) Gina: What is the branded tv dinner going to be called?

(3:54:56 PM) jsligh455: Healthy Choice has bought our product. It's called FreshFlesh

(3:56:19 PM) jsligh455: Hot Pocket has also bought our Ham, Human, and Cheese product

(4:03:57 PM) Gina: When will these hit the supermarkets?

(4:05:39 PM) jsligh455: Fiscal year 2011. A year or two after that, Whole Foods is supposed to be picking up our Cannibal's Delight line of deli meats. Not sure on that one yet, fingers crossed.

(4:06:08 PM) Gina: Fingers crossed? Is that a is that a play on words?

(4:06:22 PM) jsligh455: har har.

(4:06:52 PM) Gina: Well, is there anything you would like to tell the readers about cannibals? Any fine facts?

(4:07:23 PM) jsligh455: Don't knock it till you've tried it

(4:08:04 PM) Gina: Okay, well that's all the time we have for today. I appreciate your supervised company over the internet. Thank you for joining.

(4:10:40 PM) jsligh455: Any time. Be sure to pick up your complimentary sample of manburger.