::INTERVIEW WITH A CANNIBAL::

Today I interviewed a cannibal, who gave me the insight on a day in the life of a true anthropophaginian. His name is Jon Sligh. Below is a transcript of the very conversation I had with this heathen. After asking several probing questions, I was able to delve into the psyche of this nearly mystical iconoclast. I've also included a photo of this beast and his newly launched man-gum, which is supposed to help curve cravings for human flesh. Moving forward, the conversation starts out relatively hostile with a quick slight from Mr. Sligh after I simply say "hello," as if he plans an instinctual attack, but I am safe from all harm during this instant messaging session as a protective measure, so that I would outlive the interview. You may see below:

(2:38:10 PM) jsligh455: relax. sheesh, you act like you've never met a cannibal before. gosh, you're sheltered.

(2:46:17 PM) Gina: Now, Jon, please dont be offended when I ask you this question..

(2:46:42 PM) Gina: How does cannibalism start. I mean, were you raised by wolves?

(2:47:21 PM) Gina: sorry... I know it's personal.. I didnt want to go there, and you seem to make unusual noises that I've noticed, but I couldn't help but recognize certain wolf-like features... and things..

(2:47:34 PM) Gina: It's just an observation..

(2:49:04 PM) jsligh455: They were feral dogs, not wolves. They were quite civilized and they taught me many important lessons, like the vital importance of loyalty to the pack, and how to dig holes, and how to use teamwork when we hunted elk and the occasional hiker. It may not have been an "ideal" upbringing by your cookie-cutter standards, but THEY'RE MY FAMILY AND I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO SPEAK ILL OF THEM

(2:50:00 PM) Gina: So, tell me about the habits of cannibals? What do they like to do on the weekends?

(2:51:50 PM) jsligh455: Oh, a lot of things, just like anyone. House-cleaning, watching Netflix, yardwork, stalking victims, skiing, playing with my pet midget, etc.

(2:55:21 PM) Gina: How do you choose your victims?

(2:57:36 PM) jsligh455: Body Mass Index, their fitness and dietary habits, ouija boards

(2:58:52 PM) Gina: Is there any religious affiliations cannibalism is associated with?

(3:00:59 PM) jsligh455: Well yeah, but it's like vegtarianism. Some people from some religions practice it, but it's not just Jainists who practice it. Same with cannibalism.

(3:01:17 PM) jsligh455: The members of my cult practice it, of course

(3:04:45 PM) Gina: Are you Jain?

(3:09:57 PM) Gina: Nevermind that. So, when you mate with someone, who do you typically pick as a mate without wanting to eat them? Or do you eat them?

(3:23:22 PM) jsligh455: It's a complex process. There's no one-size-fits-all formula for choosing either mates or meals. When there is an overlap--the qualifications for both mate and meal, then I know she's a keeper.

(3:23:44 PM) jsligh455: Kind of a praying mantis kind of thing, though it's the female praying mantises that eat the males

(3:27:14 PM) jsligh455: But to answer your question directly, yes I pick them wanting to eat them...
(3:35:19 PM) Gina: So, when you're out places, do you have to control urges?

(3:36:47 PM) jsligh455: Don't we all?

(3:40:16 PM) Gina: So, Jon.... two part question... - do you have a special "cannibal" name that you go by? And, how many are in your tribe?

(3:41:31 PM) jsligh455: It's not a tribe. We're not related. It's more of a cult. Right now I have about 850 followers. I don't have a cannibal name. We're not savages.

(3:49:00 PM) jsligh455: We're currently promoted a new line of people-flavored TV dinners. I think it's going to be a big success

(3:49:27 PM) Gina: What is the branded tv dinner going to be called?

(3:54:56 PM) jsligh455: Healthy Choice has bought our product. It's called FreshFlesh

(3:56:19 PM) jsligh455: Hot Pocket has also bought our Ham, Human, and Cheese product

(4:03:57 PM) Gina: When will these hit the supermarkets?

(4:05:39 PM) jsligh455: Fiscal year 2011. A year or two after that, Whole Foods is supposed to be picking up our Cannibal's Delight line of deli meats. Not sure on that one yet, fingers crossed.

(4:06:08 PM) Gina: Fingers crossed? Is that a is that a play on words?

(4:06:22 PM) jsligh455: har har.

(4:06:52 PM) Gina: Well, is there anything you would like to tell the readers about cannibals? Any fine facts?

(4:07:23 PM) jsligh455: Don't knock it till you've tried it

(4:08:04 PM) Gina: Okay, well that's all the time we have for today. I appreciate your supervised company over the internet. Thank you for joining.

(4:10:40 PM) jsligh455: Any time. Be sure to pick up your complimentary sample of manburger.

:::I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS ONE'S REALLY ABOUT:::

So, I've held off from writing for a few days because I'm waiting for a few people to subscribe to this blog before all is lost, (well, when the first page is no longer the front of the page anymore.) Anyway, I've been mentally preparing for another round of classes this upcoming semester and I will be officially applying to the nursing program soon enough. Sometimes I feel like a fish with a 10 second memory, or maybe a fish out of water, because I feel out of place right now in a lot of areas in my life, but this is no place to blah blah blah at length about my personal life unless it's reflecting any kind of unabashed antipathy for rusty, decrepit, or "challenged" mailboxes.

-So, on another note, there is a guy at work that absolutely gets on my nerves. Everything this guy does, drives me insane, including breathing, typing, eating, and talking. Although these are four main essentials that most people who are particularly alive* do on a daily basis, --but when this guy does it, -I go insane. How many times a day do I need to hear about his drinking problem or his long hair "back in the day," things girlfriends do to tick him off (including having the same hobbies as he,) among other things. The other day, this particular individual kept COMPLAINING of how he wouldn't date any woman who "HIKED" because that was HIS hobby and he would not date a woman who had the same hobby as he. WtF? That's a pretty extraordinary statement, don't you think? Yes, let me say, my hobby is making dessert, so I'm not going to date someone who eats dessert because that is strictly "ME" time. Yeah, right. SURE. NOT going to happen. You had better believe I'm going to be eating the heck out of the dessert and feeding it to whomever the heck I'm dating. GET A LIFE. QUIT TALKING ABOUT STUPID STUFF. And how about when he types? UGH! I can hear every little key being punched so loudly and the spacebar is SO distinctive when he types, so I know when he starts on new words. Hell, I know when he starts on everything. The other day, I thought I was coming back to a silent lunch because nobody was around me, and there certainly wasn't anyone around him, so I thought I was safe. I then sat down and what do I hear? A LOUD POTATO CRUNCH. If you know me already, you know one of my major pet peeve is loud eaters of potato chips. Yes, I know they are a loud food to begin with, but there is a technique to eating chips, so that you're not making it so apparent you're bulldozing a pile of rocks. Anyway, this guy gets on my last nerve. HE's bREAthing again... UGH. oh wait, he's leaving now... yes yes... put on your HP jacket and get the HELL out of here. :)